Life & Health

Don’t Forget To Fall In Love With Yourself First

You know when you first start dating someone? You’re both on your best behavior. You want to impress them. Show them all of your best qualities.

That’s sweet and all, right?

So, what if we put that much time and effort into trying to impress ourselves? People to often sell themselves short.

Today I want to talk about why you really have to love yourself before you can really love and appreciate someone else!

Maybe you’re single and loving it, maybe you just got out of a relationship, or maybe you’re still in one and it’s bad. After you’ve been together for awhile if you’re not careful – you can start to lose yourself. Or even worse the two of you break up and you’re left trying to figure out how you got there.

Picking up the pieces

I’m not here to bash relationships or tell anyone why they should be single. Being in a relationship is a wonderful thing. It’s amazing.

Especially when you’re in the right one and you make each other better people!

But, sometimes it takes a windey road to get there.

And if you find yourself at a moment in time ..standing alone frozen by the rejection, loneliness, or the disorientation of being single…We’ve all been there, are there, or will be there and this, this is for that moment.

It was over for a little while. In fact, I halfheartedly think it never really started. The day he finally walked away from me plays back vividly in my head. I wish it was fuzzier and faded. Instead, not only do I remember everything, I remember exactly how I felt the moment my heart sank to the bottom of my stomach. He was everything I wanted .
From the moment I met him, a long time before the beginning of the end. I won’t say  “love at first sight” but I  did feel butterflies in my stomach that very first day. And millions of times after that.
 
Life’s funny like that , sometimes you don’t even realize how much of an impact one person is about to have on your entire life. From then on and for a long time after, I loved him. Only him. I thought he would be the one I married, built a family with, stayed home on Saturday nights and watched movies on the couch with.
 
Until everything fell apart at the seams. Sometimes the most difficult thing about changing your life is changing your mindset. I was so fixated on the life I imagined and the things we had talked about, it was hard to get it out of my head. It was hard to actually fathom that he was not the one.
This wasn’t some test or false alarm. It was over and not only did I not have him, but I was also ALONE.
 
 

Breaking Up With Your Best Friend

 
Breaking up is like a double whammy, not only do you lose the love of your life… you also lose your best friend. The person you would normally go to.. to lean on – when something as upsetting as this happens.
At first, being single can feel like being all alone in the world. You don’t want to tell anyone how you feel because:
A. You’re embarrassed or
B. They don’t want to hear about it or
C. It’s not going to change anything anyway.
 
So, you keep it all bottled up , you cry, you’re sad, and you don’t understand how it could’ve happened.
 
Next you’re angry , you think about all of the things wrong he/she ever did and think about all of the negative he/she brought to your life.
 
This is often followed up by denial you think he/she will call me. He/she is probably thinking about me right now, because I mean… I’m sitting here thinking about them.
We will get back together.
We’ll bump into each other and he/she will remember how much they loved me.
 
BUT.. slowly, you realize you sound like a delusional psycho and …it’s really over.

And guess what? I say that’s okay . Be a delusional psycho.

(For a few moments anyway.)
 
Then pick up the pieces and be honest with yourself.
Because at some point you have to say to yourself we are over.. I am alone.. and that’s okay too.
 
Take back the power. The power to be happy.  The power to be sane. Stop dwelling on the past or what you thought it would be. Give yourself a hard slap of reality. Realize that it’s over and you were sad, but now it’s time to move on.
 
 

Embracing the single life

Being alone can actually be a wonderfully, amazing place to be. There are so many positive things that come with it. Here’s a few of my favorite reasons being single doesn’t suck that bad! Hopefully, you can relate to a few and embrace them as minuscule as some of them may be.

  • No Sharing

I don’t have to share my popcorn. I don’t have to share my cereal, and I don’t even have to buy the flavor he likes anymore. I don’t have to share my remote, I can watch as much reality tv as I want . Basically  I don’t have to think of someonelses wants and needs, I can always put mine first.

  • More Time

I have more time. Before I was giving any time I could possibly find as extra to him. It might not have been much but it was all I had. And while I enjoyed every second of free time in his company. It is only now that I have this free time to myself I’ve realized how many hobbies I have and how good at some of them I actually am. I’ve had time to get back to myself to remember who I truly am and what I love. What’s important to me, what I’m good at . Try new things, pick up a new hobby.

  • Be There For Yourself

Being alone can teach you a lot about yourself if you let it: how do you handle difficult situations when you have no one to fall back on, when you have no one to run and cry to , no one to listen to you, and no one to be there for you. No one to give you advice, reassure you, or be your rock. Can you be your own hero?

Do you crumble in to a little ball? Or do you figure things out for yourself? Can you be self sufficient ?

Be your own hero. The one you actually deserve.

All of these things have made me love myself more. I honestly believe that to be a successful component of a healthy relationship:

  • you have to love yourself first,
  • you have to be confident and happy
  • you have to know what you want & what you need, before you can love someone else and give them what they want and need.

It’s just healthy and important. If you know your value you are less likely to settle for someone else who isn’t worth your time anyway.

So, if you do anything while your single: find yourself, love yourself, and date yourself for a little while. You’re worth it.

Love yourself, pamper yourself, and get to know yourself!

1. Go to the spa. Or if you’re like me and that’s not really your thing (or your wallets thing😉) Have your own little pamper session at home.
Make yourself a nice hot milk bath with rose petals, put on some music, light a candle, and slap on an anti aging face mask while you relax for a little while. (Glass of wine/ optional)

2. Never beat yourself up, stay positive! You wouldn’t or shouldn’t tolerate dating someone who puts you down or berates you for bad choices, so don’t do that to yourself. Be positive and recognize how important balance is.

Some days you’ll want to run 2 miles with your Kale Spinach Smoothie. (Ok..Maybe you won’t want to, but you’ll be motivated to and you will)

And other days you’ll want a glass of wine to wash down that chocolate cupcake and episode of The Real Housewives. Balance and moderation in life are key.

Never beat yourself up for not making the perfect choices. What is a perfect choice anyway..? What’s important is that you strive overall to do better, be better, and stay positive!

3. Try new things. It’s always fun when you first start seeing someone new and you’re still learning about them and what they like. You show them places they’ve never been, they show you new things introducing you to different experiences, destinations etc.

Why do you need to be in a relationship to do this? Think about somewhere you’ve always wanted to go and make it happen. You can go alone or take a friend but make the initiative to do new things and expose yourself to them. It can be big or small. Have you always wanted to go to that nice little art museum around the corner, or try the new Irish Pub that opened down the street… take yourself there. Have you been dieing to see the Aurora Borealis or relax in the Maldives..well grab your best friend and book that flight! The more you expose yourself to, the more you’ll learn about yourself..and the more you’ll either fall in love with or strive to change.

4. Remember what you’re good at and what you love to do. Pick back up on that hobby you neglected. When you’re involved with someone it’s easy to see yourself through their eyes sometimes and find a new appreciation for your talents or hobbies.

You don’t need to be in a relationship to do that. What are you good at? (And don’t say drinking mimosas on the beach.. while that sounds lovely right now.. I’m talking about something deeper, something with meaning.)  Do you love to paint? Bake? Play the guitar? Are you the master of every yoga pose ever? Are you good at basketball? Pick up some new canvases and paints, or take a guitar lesson, come up with a song, join your local basketball league at the y.. join a yoga group, bake up that new cookie recipe you’ve been meaning to try.. do you love to garden..? Plant some new flowers. I could go on and on, but you get the point.

Whatever it is you’re good at and enjoy doing.. do it. Try new things and develop new hobbies, but also embrace your tried and true hobbies & remember why you love them!

Appreciate yourself for your good qualities.

5. Compliment yourself. Silly but, true. A little “Good morning gorgeous ..” in the mirror in the morning never hurt anyone. When you’re with someone and they are complimenting you it’s a reminder to you to value yourself. To see yourself from their eyes .

But the truth is  you don’t need someone else to remind you of that. You should know. You’re gorgeous, intelligent, and funny. You have aspirations, accomplishments, and dreams. You’re a force to be reckoned with and the world better watch out…! Now try saying that in your mirror five times fast.

Your self worth and self value is so important for so many reasons too, because in the end people can feed off of that and if they think you don’t value yourself and you don’t think you’re worthy than why should they?

Set the standards you wish to achieve!

6. Be alone …& love it.
Do you enjoy your own company? Well you should.

Enjoy spending time with yourself. You might be surprised how informative and empowering it can be.

Go to that quiet little spot by the beach or the nice view of the mountains, plan a hike, read a book.. enjoy nature peacefully and with yourself. Go to a restaurant all alone.

As a server for a long, long time I used to never understand why anyone would come out to eat by them self.. until now.

Now I get it. It’s amazing. It feels good to go somewhere and not feel like you need the companionship of someone else , order whatever you want.. no judgement.. eat at your own pace and take in your surroundings.. go for a drive or a walk while listening to your music and trying not to think to hard. Just be alone & enjoy it.. it’s invigorating.

7. Make better choices.

A lot of times when you’re in a relationship , you want to be better. Maybe they inspire you to be better or maybe they’re just super supportive , Either way they’re having a positive effect on your life.

Encourage yourself, support yourself, and be an inspiration to yourself.

Why is it so hard for us to believe in ourselves? And if we don’t then who will?

When You Least Expect It

Then ..boom.. one day once you’ve gone through all the motions and really learned to appreciate yourself, you’re comfortable with being single and totally and at peace with it… you’re no longer looking for love.. This is often when it finds you. The thing is whether it does or not..you’re ok. Because you’re whole with or without it. 

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